Likable Bosses

Survey suggests bosses not as likable as they think they are

A recent survey by 51job.com in China found that almost 60% of employees identified their supervisors as "order-issuing lovers" and another 18% referred to their bosses as "critics". In contrast, more than 82% of leaders considered themselves good leaders and friendly to their subordinates.

The article suggests these contrasting perspectives are most pronounced in China with its traditional authoritarian culture and lack of flexibility in leadership styles. While that may be true, perhaps the statement "It's not easy for people to find problems with themselves" is universal.

Do bosses need to be liked? People respond to authority, particularly in a place like China; that is, until the next opportunity presents itself. Western conventional wisdom suggests that it is important to build trust, credibility and respect; there is no need to be liked. When those characteristics are combined with strong leadership, people will follow...as long as they are realizing benefits for themselves. The question then becomes if we can combine trust, credibility, respect, leadership and likability, can we drive even greater results?

Tim Sanders in The Likeability Factor defines likeability as your capacity to produce positive attitudes in other people about you. This usually create positive emotions in others. He argues that people are constantly making choices - whether to listen to you, whether to believe you and whether to value what you offer. Likeability affects all of these.

He breaks down likeability into four elements.

1. Friendliness
2. Relevance
3. Empathy
4. Realness or authenticity

If you are curious about your likeability factor, take the self-assessment, and give some thought to the one change you could make in your behavior that will increase your likeability.

Give us your thoughts on the importance of likability of your boss, and of you!

Celebrating

Everyday, we take steps forward. Sometimes they are as large as a promotion, as useful as paying the bills or as significant as spending focused time with a loved one. What might be the outcome of celebrating a daily win?

When we celebrate,

• the negative is diminished, the positive is magnified


• successful behaviors are reinforced


• dopamines, released in the brain, bring calm and enhance our emotional well-being


• our perspective is focused on more, rather than less


• neural connections build and strengthen in support of the new ways of thinking and acting

Here are simple ways to increase the celebration in your life.

1. Start a routine of sharing a win within your family or team everyday. Cheering, clapping and a few "whoo-hoo's" will improve everyone's sense of well-being.


2. Keep a daily reflection journal including that which you are grateful for, along with the win for the day.


3. Set aside a few minutes to reflect on what you have achieved each day.
   
   
4. Include rewards and celebrations for each step along the path to a major goal.


5. Be sure to involve others in acknowledging your big wins.

Rewards do not need to be big - a 5 minute break in the sun, a fresh cup of coffee, a call to a friend, a piece of cake, or a cheer. Taking the step, making progress, celebrating each success keeps you focused and energized on the bigger goal.

So what's your win and how can we help you celebrate?

Please post a comment on your win today and join us in celebrating others!

My win? I have completed all of the requirements for Certified Professional Coach status from International Coach Academy. A big accomplishment gets a big celebration! Mine was traveling in Yunnan for 5 days with a friend and then exploring new parts of Shanghai with her.

Personal Trainers and Coaches

The coaching literature abounds with, and the coaching courses require an answer to the question, “why get a coach?” I have recently seen lists of over 100 reasons ranging from “being really listened to” to “moving me forward in achieving my dreams”.

If having a coach is such a wonderful thing, then why is there hesitancy in hiring a coach? Why does it seem so challenging to commit the time and money to a coaching agreement?

For those of us who make conscious decisions on every purchase, the answer might seem easy. It just seems like too much money. The value is too difficult to define in relation to the cost.

I am not convinced that money is the main issue. I argue that the main inhibitor to coaching is satisfaction with the status quo. Status quo covers a range of inhibitors from “I can do this myself”, “I have friends who will listen”, and “I get plenty of advice at home”. It also covers more deeply held beliefs such as “I’m not good enough”, “what if I fail”, “I should be able to do this on my own”, and even “what if I get what I want and I find that I didn’t really want it”.

How many have a personal trainer? A few of my friends are in tremendous physical condition. However, most of us could use some shaping up, whether it is building muscle, trimming waistlines, or increasing stamina. We know that we will likely achieve more with the personal trainer. We know that a personal trainer will hold us to a higher standard than we hold ourselves. The trainer will stretch our muscles further than we can ourselves. The trainer will ask for another 5 reps when we might have stopped. Yikes! The trainer may really make us work! Hum, maybe we are in good enough shape already. We just need to get to the gym a little more often.

...and how long does that resolution last?

The trainer will hold you to a higher standard and help you get in better shape more quickly. The schedule and commitment to the trainer will ensure that the resolution lasts.

Similarly, a coach will challenge you to reach your highest potential. The coach will help you surface the beliefs that are holding you back. The coach will challenge you to make five more sales calls, write two chapters or have that conversation you have been putting off.

I wonder, are you ready to throw aside the status quo? Are you ready to tackle that dream you have been holding inside? Are you ready to tackle the frustrations that have been nagging at you and draining your energy? What value would you get from coaching if you could change the balance between the things you want to have more of in your life and the things you want less of? That would be the value of the coaching. Is it worth it?

If you think it might be, give me a call to set up a complimentary coaching session to start you on your journey to change the status quo.

You CAN Teach an Old Dog New Tricks

The common idiom “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks” is interpreted as “people who have long been used to doing things in a particular way will not abandon their habits” (The New Dictionary of Cultural Literacy, 2003). Research shows that you are unlikely to abandon a habit unless there is a strong motivator to do so, but then, you can change.

The majority of what we do, think, observe and perceive on a daily basis is handled subconsciously, by our habits. Within a stable environment, habits are those behaviors that require little thought to start or stop. These habits are strong, stable and highly connected chains of neurons in our brain –the wiring, so to speak.Research has shown that while this wiring is critical in dealing efficiently with the world,our brains are not “hard-wired”. Indeed,the brain has a tremendous capability to adjust and adapt as needed. The trick is in establishing and supporting the need for change.


1. Going for the challenge
Whether your golf swing or how you conduct meetings, once a behavior is habituated, performance becomes automatic within a moderately stable environment. Governed by strong neural connections, there is only limited improvement that can be made. Only by accepting the challenge of going beyond competence to growth will you begin to lay the groundwork to reach a new level.


2. Create the motivation
You have identified the change to be made; now you must link it with strong and clear motivations. What are the specific benefits that will come to you? Vague benefits such as “I’ll feel better”, “I’ll accomplish more” are unlikely to support you in overcoming the brain’s natural resistance to change. Keep asking yourself “why” until you get to specific, measurable outcomes that you really want, for example, “My waist size will shrink by 2 inches and I will be able to hike in the mountains this summer.”


3. Create a structure
When actions are inconsistent with an existing habit, the brain signals an error. Emotions, including fear and discomfort, are triggered, along with a reduced capability for rational thought. It is no wonder that habits are so hard to break when our brains are naturally designed to sabotage change efforts. Structures, including notes in your diary, buddy systems, tally sheets, daily affirmations,etc., support a change by reducing the need to think and make decisions, as well as providing a sense of security when the brain is sending out warning signals.


4. Pay attention
Attention focused on the new habit closely enough, often enough and long enough builds and strengthens the neural connections. Talking about the change, establishing plans, reviewing progress,visualizing the outcome, thinking about new ways to get there are all mechanisms for increasing attention and the likelihood of creating a new habit.


5. Celebrate
Every step on the way to a new habit should be celebrated. Good feelings release chemicals in the brain that mark the new neural connections for preservation. As the new neural connections become stronger, the change becomes easier. Success breeds motivation, which breeds further success.


You can teach yourself new tricks, when you choose to make a change, have strong positive emotions tied to the change, provide structures to support the change, focus positive energy and attention, and celebrate each step along the way.